🔗 Share this article

Encountering refusal, especially when it occurs frequently, is anything but enjoyable. An editor is turning you down, giving a definite “No.” Working in writing, I am familiar with setbacks. I began proposing story ideas half a century past, upon college graduation. Over the years, I have had several works rejected, along with book ideas and numerous essays. In the last 20 years, focusing on personal essays, the denials have grown more frequent. On average, I receive a setback every few days—totaling more than 100 each year. Overall, denials throughout my life exceed a thousand. By now, I might as well have a PhD in rejection.

However, is this a self-pitying rant? Far from it. As, now, at the age of 73, I have embraced being turned down.

In What Way Have I Accomplished This?

For perspective: Now, almost each individual and their relatives has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never tracked my success rate—doing so would be very discouraging.

A case in point: not long ago, a publication turned down 20 articles consecutively before accepting one. A few years ago, no fewer than 50 publishing houses declined my manuscript before one accepted it. A few years later, 25 literary agents declined a book pitch. A particular editor requested that I submit articles only once a month.

The Seven Stages of Setback

When I was younger, all rejections stung. It felt like a personal affront. It was not just my creation was being turned down, but me as a person.

No sooner a submission was turned down, I would start the phases of denial:

• First, disbelief. What went wrong? How could editors be overlook my talent?
• Second, refusal to accept. Certainly they rejected the mistake? It has to be an administrative error.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What can they know? Who appointed you to judge on my work? They’re foolish and their outlet is subpar. I refuse this refusal.
• Fourth, anger at them, then frustration with me. Why would I put myself through this? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, bargaining (preferably mixed with false hope). What will it take you to acknowledge me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Sixth, depression. I’m no good. Additionally, I can never become accomplished.

So it went through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Excellent Examples

Certainly, I was in excellent company. Accounts of writers whose manuscripts was initially rejected are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Virtually all writer of repute was first rejected. Because they managed to overcome rejection, then perhaps I could, too. The basketball legend was dropped from his high school basketball team. Most US presidents over the recent history had been defeated in elections. Sylvester Stallone claims that his movie pitch and bid to appear were declined numerous times. “I take rejection as a wake-up call to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat,” he has said.

The Final Phase

As time passed, upon arriving at my senior age, I reached the final phase of setback. Peace. Currently, I more clearly see the many reasons why an editor says no. For starters, an editor may have recently run a comparable article, or have one underway, or just be considering a similar topic for another contributor.

Alternatively, less promisingly, my idea is not appealing. Or the evaluator feels I don’t have the experience or reputation to be suitable. Perhaps is no longer in the field for the work I am peddling. Maybe didn’t focus and scanned my work hastily to see its value.

Feel free call it an awakening. Everything can be rejected, and for whatever cause, and there is almost nothing you can do about it. Certain explanations for rejection are forever not up to you.

Your Responsibility

Others are within it. Honestly, my proposals may sometimes be flawed. They may lack relevance and appeal, or the message I am attempting to convey is poorly presented. Or I’m being too similar. Maybe something about my punctuation, especially semicolons, was unacceptable.

The point is that, regardless of all my years of exertion and setbacks, I have achieved published in many places. I’ve written several titles—my first when I was in my fifties, another, a personal story, at older—and in excess of numerous essays. Those pieces have featured in magazines large and small, in diverse platforms. My debut commentary was published in my twenties—and I have now written to various outlets for half a century.

Still, no major hits, no author events in bookshops, no spots on popular shows, no presentations, no book awards, no accolades, no Nobel, and no medal. But I can better take no at my age, because my, admittedly modest successes have softened the jolts of my frequent denials. I can now be philosophical about it all at this point.

Educational Setbacks

Rejection can be helpful, but when you pay attention to what it’s attempting to show. Or else, you will probably just keep interpreting no’s all wrong. What insights have I acquired?

{Here’s my advice|My recommendations|What